WHERE HAS RIA BEEN?
You probably think I jumped off the face of the earth but I was recovering from a serious bout of Anemia and had to take a break from weight training lifting and exercise. It was awful! I had extreme guilt, shame and was in denial. For years I bragged about my almost perfect health and going Vegan was something I aspired to become to prove to myself and the world that it was ‘better’ more spiritual and optimal for health even in extreme fitness. What I was shown was something quite the contrary. I turned the shame and isolation into a time of deeper spiritual innerstanding of peer acceptance, self acceptance, food and nutrition and personal dietary needs to obtain balance, wellness and fitness.
BEAST MODE THEN WHAT?
It’s true when I’m into my fitness I go hard and had no idea that according to TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) some Spleen meridian issues (pathologies) causing Anemia and other heavy blood flow can be aggravated by intense and excessive exercise! My almost 2 hour workouts with heavy weights and cardio didnt seem to help my situation at all.
I was absolutely floored when my medical doctor insisted I have a blood transfusion (?) huh, is this that serious I thought and no I would not place some random persons blood into my system. I’ve suffered from Anemia for many years, especially as a vegetarian. This time being Vegan proved to be stressful on my body producing allergies I’ve never had like cashew and other fickle bouts of allergic reactions. This time my usual period of ‘cleansing’ felt more like a nightmare. I was literally sick and could not understand why.
For over 20 years, being Vegetarian and Pescatarian was my way of life, this time going back to Vegan proved too much for my body and my emotions. It was as if I was being initiated at yet another level of what reality is, should be or can be. That ‘it’ (in my case ‘diet/nutrition’) was absolutely ‘factual’ on an individual intimate level that can not be judged or validated by anyone other than my self. And that true ‘enlightment’ would prove that all things are both light and dark having their sun and moon, good and bad, what was seen as medicine could in deed be poison if taken in excess and without a balanced approach. Although, this all seemed very logical AND spiritual simultaneously I suffered with this resolution and my actions emotionally and spiritually.
In my personal evolution, I no longer over emphasize or stress about my weight (well not that much) in fact I’ve pretty much given up the dogma I had about every little thing I eat or don’t eat. I eat what I want (within reason) with no guilt or stress and ironically I weigh less than I did when I was on a strict diet! I have turned away from replacing ‘religious’ attitude and behavior with the “Raw Food Movement” or “Vegan” ideology. haha I can even laugh about it now. I was so obsessed!
But two months ago, I was really quite devastated when I was diagnosed with severe anemia I felt great guilt and bewilderment. I thought me being Vegan as the socially accepted eco-friendly super-conscious movement stamped me as spiritually acceptable and within the social guidelines of my peers and the gurus I worshiped.
Anything but VEGAN for me was unacceptable and yet my body was rejecting this way of eating and seeing it as an imbalance rather than balance! WTF! I was embarrassed and felt like a fraud for having this dis-ease, symptom, imbalance. The whole ordeal became quite personal and intimate. In secret, I was in a kind of spiritual-emotional anguish and had a hard time admitting that I was somehow different from the pack. I had to find out that there is no cookie cutter way or answer for the “All” and that “Some” are just plain different requiring whatever the body, mind and spirit sought as balancing chemistry to properly function in her immediate environment. That environment has everything to do with food choices, that these variables and adjustments should be carefully taken into consideration. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ stamp on my nutrition simply what works best for my constitution in the environment which I reside, the work I do, my emotional space, home life, etc., is my ‘right’ way and path.
If I was residing in a warm tropical climate, my food choices would better be suited and reflect that temperate climate, amount of Sun, melanin chemistry and molecular food choices, just as certain American climates and geography warrant a varied array of food choices, herbs, seeds, roots, etc. These variables seemed to propose very real and factual variables in my health and in my final choices.
What I had preached and followed for so many years was leaving me exhausted, lifeless, debilitated, and imbalanced. What once felt rejuvenating, refreshing, and whole had none of the effects they once had on my constitution. I was a very different person at a very different time, place and space and needed very different variables to balance my life and produce the wellness I deserved.
PERSONAL JOURNEY TO BALANCE, COMING OUT!
I am not ashamed that I eat small amounts of organic, free-range meat and poultry on occasion. My body seems to have adjusted to the chemistry and my anemic symptoms (Spleen meridian pathologies, according to TCM Traditional Chinese Medicine) have vanished. Of course other areas of my life have also healed in the process of me moving forward both on a psychological and emotional level as all things are connected fundamentally.
I embrace the many changes in my personal life and have left my past to it’s past forging ahead in a very newly rebirthed Body, Mind and Spirit! People are still amazed when I say I am 46 and I no longer hide the fact that my age is just a number that has produced wisdom and strength in this incarnation.
I am so ready to get back into the gym, train, finish my new certifications in Personal Training, Fitness Nutrition (NASM) and Wellness Coaching (ACE) courses and get back into the best shape of my life! I really do love athletic BEAST MODE along with some dance, yoga and meditation!
~ with Love, Light and Ascension Ria, December 7, 2015